


RPF

by skyGaia



Category: Angel Notes - Kinoko Nasu, Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night (Visual Novel), Kara no Kyoukai | The Garden of Sinners
Genre: Fandom, Fanfiction, Gen, International Fanworks Day 2018, Internet, Lorelei getting shipped is a running gag, Magic, RPF, Seers, Semi-Crack, Semi-Serious, forums, holy grail war, reasons why you should not allow Magi access to the internet #999, references to nasuverse as a whole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13699602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyGaia/pseuds/skyGaia
Summary: Most older magi now-a-days have no use for the internet. Even those younger members of Mage society from long lasting Mage families see no purpose for it. Even so, a lot of today’s generation of Magi do carry around cell phones or PDAs for at least one reason: An invention called the MagiNet.Only accessible to mages, as you must turn your internet accessing device into a specific type of Mystic Code in order to reach any of the pages, the MagiNet is a layer of the internet that is situated somewhere between the deep web and the internet that the public knows of. It is hidden between lines of code, packets of data spread across multitudes of servers, only pieces hidden here and there to make up the whole, with the rest of the world none the wiser.What is it used for?Why, for everything from mercenary contracts, undercover networking, spying, research deals, and, of course…Real person fiction.





	RPF

**FictHub >> Mage RPF >> Living Magi >> Clock Tower RPF >> Thread: Irresistible Dominance [Lorelei Barthomeloi x Lord El-Melloi II]**  
**Page 5 of 18**

  
**Kiramel (OP)**  
Are you kidding me? Lorelei and Big BenLondon Star would make such a good power couple. Nobody would be able to touch them. They’re perfect for each other, you just can’t see it because your head is so far up your ass with your stupid “Lorelei x Zelretch” crap. I mean, ew? Why would the Queen want to get with some grody old fart anyway? And did you forget that she hates dead apostles?

  
**Nabareth Shun duVice**  
Don’t underestimate the power of Foe Yay, Kiramel. You are obviously new to the game that is Shipping. I pity you, you poor, sweet, untainted soul. You have no idea what you’re getting in to.

  
**Kiramel (OP)**   
_Don’t you patronize me._

  
**YouWillDie**  
I am going to kill you. I will kill you so hard that it will loop around and you will be alive again so I can kill you again. And again. And again. Mark my words.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
I’m only going to warn you this once, but keep Clock Tower/Mage politics off the site. We’ve had too many incidents with users killing each other over petty stuff like ships because apparently, we, as a society, don’t know when to stop. And I definitely don’t want a repeat of the Edelfelt/Tohsaka shipping disaster. So, seriously, if you don’t cut down on the threats, YouWillDie, then you’re going to be prana signature-banned.  
Also, change your username while you’re at it, won’t you? Jeez.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Holy Grail War RPF >> Fourth War >> Thread: Once We Were Friends [Matou master x Tokiomi Tohsaka]**  
**Page 25 of 25**

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Ok, I admit it, this one is my guilty pleasure. You’re so damn good at writing, you’ve made even the faceless Matou master seem like he has real personality, considering how we barely knew anything about him from the transcripts of the fourth war. And that moment in chapter 4?  
[Quote,  FlowerLabyrinth:  
_Tokiomi looked sadly at Matou. The man before him was different, changed somehow. It was no longer the friend and rival he once knew, the madness of his Berserker-class servant seeming to have affected the Matou master as well. Even so...Tokiomi had hope._ There must be a way to fix this, _he thought._ How could we have gone from being such good friends to such bitter enemies?]  
This. Just, this. It broke my heart. The part after shows that there is a hope for recovery for Matou, but knowing your writing it’s going to take a damn long time and my heart will be ripped to shreds along the way. Bravo, you monster. Bra-fucking-vo.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth (OP)**  
Ah, thank you. It really means a lot to me that people are enjoying my writing. I actually did a bit of digging and found that apparently the Matou master did succumb to some sort of madness due to the toll of his Berserker, although not much was said about the matter. I think it was from some interview with someone who had observed the war while it was going on? They mostly talked about the Caster Monster though, and how they handled it after the fact. The anecdotes about the Matou master was only on the side since he witnessed most of the fight with the Caster Monster, before going to follow the fight between Berserker and Archer.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
 Holy crap, someone actually witnessed the Caster Monster fight up close? Damn, what I would give to have seen that! Just thinking about witnessing Saber’s Noble Phantasm decimate that beast…damn. I am so jealous right now.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth (OP)**  
I’ll have to see if I can find that interview again. It was actually really interesting, the observer’s descriptions of what was going on. I’ll be sure to PM you if I find it again.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Please do. I would greatly appreciate it. Heck, it might even help me with a bit of research that I’m doing, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, back ion topic! So, how’s your progress on chapter seven? You said you needed a beta, right?

 

  
**FictHub >> Dead Apostle RPF >> Twenty-Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors >> Thread: a matter of time [ORT]**  
**Page 10 of 14**

  
**Kiramel**  
What the actual fuck? Okay, first off, the story is nigh unreadable. That should be the first issue you tackle. It doesn’t even look like English, it looks like another language written with Latin characters when the language itself was not meant to be spoken with human vocal chords. So, whatever the fuck happened there, fix it. I’m reserving any actual criticism until after you fix that mess.

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Gonna have to agree with Kiramel here, that shit is absolutely incomprehensible. Did you take a page out of The King in Yellow or something? I’m surprised that nobody in the thread has gone mad yet.

  
**ChaliceResident**  
I hate this even more than I hate myself.

  
**pohmotr (OP)**  
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE NOT READY. THE PROMISED TIME HAS YET TO ARRIVE. THE EARTH WILL HAVE VENGANCE. THE CANCER WILL GROW.

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Could you tone down the capslock a bit? All caps posts are against the rules. I’ll only warn you this time since you’re new, but try not to do it again otherwise you’ll get points.

  
**pohmotr (OP)**  
fine. little words it is. but you do not understand because you are not ready. you are not ready because the promised time has yet to arrive. the earth has yet to seek vengeance on the cancer that will grow and grow even after everything has turned to dust.

  
**Kiramel**  
…. _what?_

  
**ChaliceResident**  
Shit, man, that’s not gonna happen for a while. Are you sure you didn’t overshoot or something?

  
**AzuriteStarlord**   
_You know what he’s talking about??????_

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected**  
**Page 150 of 167**

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Damn, the participants in this war so far seem really young. I mean, most of them are in high school for crying out loud. Well, I suppose that’s going to happen when the war happens _FIFTY YEARS TOO EARLY_ , but what can you do.  
Though, can we just agree that literally nobody expected the Seventh Rando to summon _Saber_ of all things? Especially the _Saber of the last war_? I mean, there’s no way a civvie would be compatible with King Arthur of all people. No fuckin way.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
But how did he have that summoning circle in his shed if he’s a civvie? I mean, Narbareth, you investigated his house while he was away with the Tohsaka master, right? He didn’t even have a proper workshop set up, you _said_ that. All I want to know is how the fuck he’s even managing to support Saber with barely-used magic circuits.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
Hint: he _isn’t_. Just you wait and see. In a couple of hours (or the next day, depends on if he fights at all tonight) he’ll be sweating from fever and will have to cancel the contract. Bam, Seventh Rando out of the fight. Saber will have to find a new Master, and if not? Bam, Saber out of the fight, too. Really sucks, though, I was looking forward to the Saber class kicking ass once more. Shame that a better master didn’t get ‘er. :(

  
**ChaliceResident**  
TBH, I kind of want him to win this one. What can I say? I’m all for the underdog.  
…actually, it’s cuz I hate him less than the other participants. He doesn’t really have a super-punchable face like all the other kids do.

  
**Kiramel**  
Once again, ChaliceResident proves himself to be an all-hating asshole. We get it, dude, you’ve got the most massive hateboner for the universe and everything in it. I’m kind of getting tired of your whole shtick.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
[Quote,  Kiramel:  
_We get it, dude, you’ve got the most massive hateboner for the universe and everything in it._ ]  
Sigged.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**   
_FUCK FUCK FUCK WHERE DID THAT ARROW COME FROM HOPY SHIT_  
_BRB GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA DODGE_

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Rest in fucking pieces.  
That’s why I never go to observe Grail Wars. Too dangerous.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
Darn. I actually like Narbareth. I don’t particularly want to hear that he got eaten by a servant.  
…brb as well, actually.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
Wait, where are you going? You can’t honestly tell me that you’re going to cast some spell from a million miles away and hope that it saves him??

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Should I get started on setting up a user death announcement banner? Or would that be too soon?

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
Too soon. If we don’t hear from him within 24 hours as of his post, then you can start setting it up.

  
**phomotr**  
chance of survival is at 67%. an unexpected ally comes to him. life or death depends on how fast she goes.

  
**End page 150.**  
**[…] 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, […]**

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected**  
**Page 156 of 167**

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
AAAAAAH. I’m alive. But you will not BELIEVE the craziest shit that happened to me. Took a few hours to reply because I had to secure myself VERY VERY FAR AWAY from where I was.  
OKAy. So here’s what happened: before you ask, NO. I was not anywhere near the church/neutral territory. I was still dinking around in Seventh Rando’s house. Because, you know, I wanted to figure out how the hell he had a pre-made magic circle in his shed despite not being a magus.

  
Turns out? HIS HOUSE IS THE SAME HOUSE THAT THE MAGUS KILLER MADE HIS FINAL BASE IN THE LAST WAR. Yeah, that’s right, SEVENTH RANDO IS RELATED TO THE FUCKING MAGUS KILLER. Trust me, I cross-referenced the transcripts of the fourth war because I knew there was something familiar about the house but I couldn’t put my finger on it so I looked up the transcripts and LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD. Same. Damn. House.

  
So while I was panicking about that I heard the gate to the house open. It’s a very squeaky gate okay like that shit has not been oiled in WEEKS. So naturally, hearing the gate, I panic about that too. I check my watch and apparently hours have fucking passed since they left which means it’s probably seventh rando aka Magus Killer Jr. and I need to leave like yesterday. So I climb out the window in the shed that faces the back of the house. And right as I do that a MAGIC FUCKING ARROW lands right in front of my feet. I look back, and it’s _ARCHER_. And he’s _PISSED AS FUCK_.

  
So I ran while typing that last reply I sent. I mean, I needed some last words to go out on. Can’t just nope the fuck out and never be heard from again.

  
Anyway, like I said, I’m running as fast as possible. Archer is still shooting at me. I cast some simple wards to keep them from hitting me too often, like one of those “don’t look at me” wards and shit, not that it’ll do anything to A-RANK MAGIC RESISTANCE. At one point something fucking EXPLODES behind me and I’m flung onto the road. I’ve never been so fucking glad that Japanese people don’t drive very often in my entire life. So I’m laying here, in the fetal position, pain all over, when is it gonna end. Archer comes down from the roof of the house (DID I MENTION HE WAS STANDING ON THE ROOF) and walks calmly over to me.

  
Smug fucker. I only wish I could punch his stupid face and not die immediately after. I’m still on the ground, but I’m pushing myself up. I’m rummaging through my coat pockets for a mystic code that I can use, any mystic code at all. I find one, and just as I stumble to my feet Archer is literally right behind me, smirking his dumb smirk on his stupid dumb face.

  
He says, “I take it that you’re not a part of the war due to the absence of command seals on your hand,” and I’m like, yeah. No. I’m just observing. Magi like to observe these wars in secret because who the hell wants to miss out on THIS, and I gesture randomly in the air. Archer laughs. I want to cry.

  
He says, “Then what were you doing in the Master of Saber’s house? Because that looked more like sabotage to me,” and I say, no, no, see, I was wondering how the fuck a civvie had a summoning circle in their house when they’re a civvie, so I only really poked around in the shed, honest. I mean, it would be super bad if somehow he found the ritual on the fucking internet or something, right? But the circle was made of mercury. Grade-A mercury. The stuff that only scientists can get because there’s no way a civilian should be handling that shit.

  
So I say, that made me figure he was from some Magus family instead. But there was no obvious workshop. Only trace amounts of prana in the air left over from the ritual. And a bunch of broken tools around but hey, that’s none of my business. So I started looking for any hidden trap doors or some shit where his workshop would be hidden under. But there’s none of that.  
Archer is still looking smug, and he says, “There wouldn’t be any of that. Saber’s Master is a third-rate magus at best, anyway.” And I say oh cool. So are you going to kill me or not.

  
And Archer is about to reply but then out of bumfuck NOWHERE Berserker comes crashing through. There’s this little girl sitting on top of his shoulder with the biggest fucking slasher smile I’ve ever seen on a kid, movie or otherwise. Archer is immediately in combat mode again, takes out these two CHINESE DAOS. I’m not fucking kidding, he’s USING SWORDS and he’s an ARCHER. Little-serial-killer-girl hops off Berserker’s shoulder, who might I mention IS FUCKING MASSIVE. He holds out his hand and she lands on it and he lowers it to the ground so she can step off. Then she comes up to me, smiles brightly, and says, I quote,

  
“You’re welcome. Now go so I can have my fight.”

  
And I book it.

  
And now I’m sitting in this alleyway all the way in Shinto. I’m sitting here wondering why the hell I’m still alive. That’s your story for tonight, folks. I’m done. I’m catching the next plane back to the states the first chance I get. No more Grail Wars for me. I’m _done_.

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Oh my god.  
What even?

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
That’s the question, isn’t it? Why are you still alive? Why the heck didn’t Archer kill you when he had the chance? Although, what Berserker’s Master said makes me wonder about Berserkaaaah’s last message. She hasn’t come on since you had to run.

  
**Kiramel**  
If I had been in your shoes, I would have shit my fucking pants. Thrice. Once when realizing that the Magus Killer had a kid, and was standing in his house (shed, technically), once when Archer started taking shots, and once when Berserker arrived. Be glad that I was not in your shoes.

  
**phomotr**  
told you. 67% chance of survival. more than enough.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
_WELL GEE THAT SURE MAKES ME FEEL A LOT BETTER_. Although looking back through the thread yeah  @FlowerLabyrith Berserkaaaah’s disappearance does look weird.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
Let’s just be glad that you’re safe for the time being. Although, points for fucking up so badly. I doubt that the Church or the Mage’s Association will technically be pleased about the whole affair. They might count it as interference after all.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Holy fuck do I NOT want to think about that right now. Although if they do come after me then I’d rather turn myself in than run and get a sealing designation. Because then EVERYONE will be after me, including our little Magus Killer Jr. aauauagh.

  
**ChaliceResident**  
Hahahahahahah oh man your post had me in tears the entire time. You are so dang lucky you would not believe like damn.

 **Berserkaaaah**  
Just got back and wow! Look at who came back from the dead. Boy, you sure are lucky, huh, Narbareth?

  
**Nabareth Shun duVice**  
Please tell me that the little girl with the slasher smile wasn’t you. Please please tell me it wasn’t.

 **Berserkaaaah**  
Hm? Well, what do you think? :)

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
gdi

  
**End page 156.**  
**[…] 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, […]**

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Grail War RPF >> Fifth War >> Thread: HOPY SHIT [Archer x Narbareth Shun duVice, Crack]**  
**Page 2 of 3**

 **Kiramel**  
Please write more. I beg of you, this is the best thing to come out of this war. Second only to that ridiculous getup that the Hound of Ulster apparently wears.

 **Nabareth Shun duVice**  
I hate this. And I hate you.  
But god damn if the writing isn’t actually good.  
(also, how did you know that I like biceps?)

  
**ChaliceResident (OP)**  
Nothing is secret from me. You may as well be trying to hide your fetishes from God. And God sees all your dirty little secrets as clear as day. And hates you an equal amount for each one. ;)  


**FlowerLabrynth**  
I just felt a shiver down my spine and I don’t know why.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Fanfiction >> Crossover >> Thread: Newt Scamander and the Curious Case of the Demon Known as Mephistopheles [Harry Potter/Faust]**  
**Page 80 of 80**

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
Once again, Apocrypha establishes herself as the best writer on this site. I really love how you blended the world of Harry Potter together with the story of Faust. From Scamander initially thinking that Meph was just another magical creature, to his horror and realization when he discovers that, of course, _the demon is not all as he seems_ , and the eventual destruction of the lives around him due to the deal Mephistopheles ends up making with one of Scamander’s coworkers…It just all comes together so beautifully that I could cry.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator) (OP)**  
@FlowerLabyrinth – Thank you. I actually took inspiration from demons that I’ve studied in my own time, in fact I’ve got a particularly nasty one stored away as a sort of means of self-defense. Of course, the situations I find myself in in my line of work hardly ever necessitate it, but it’s there all the same. I think the threat of being eaten by a thousand mouths at once usually keep away most aggressors. ;)  
@Berserkaaaah – Why, thank you! I admit, Harry Potter is a favorite of mine. The way the author creates such an interesting magical world, so different and yet so similar to our own, despite having no knowledge of real Magecraft – it’s certainly quite enchanting, and perhaps discovering the cultural differences is part of why I like the books so much. I hear the last two are supposed to come out soon, which makes a bit sad and nostalgic. Sad, because it’s ending, and nostalgic because I’ve been reading through the books all over again, and certainly will continue to do so time after time.  
It helps that those movies they’re making are pretty good so far. I think Prisoner of Azkaban actually just released this June? Either way, I need to see it. I’ve been so busy as of late that I haven’t had the time. :(

  
**ChaliceResident**  
Now I want to see a grail war in which someone summons Mephistopheles. Damn. Too bad all the other servants have already been summoned this war. :(

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
That’d be terrifying. Can Meph even be summoned anyway? …scratch that, I don’t even want to know.

  
**ChaliceResident**  
Come on, what’s the worst that could happen? Hey, look, all you gotta do is claim the Caster spot before anyone else does after this war’s over. Maybe even literally after this war’s over! But then you’d be stuck with an omnicidal maniac of a Servant for sixty years…but hey, that’s not too bad. Just gotta use a command seal or two to keep him in line. :)

 

 **FlowerLabyrinth**  
I DON’T WANNA KNOW _I DON’T WANNA KNOW_

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Mage RPF >> Living Magi >> Clock Tower RPF >> Thread: Breaking News – Groudy Old Fart Seduces Clock Tower Queen [Kishur Zelretch x  Lorelei Barthomeloi]**  
**Page 18 of 20**

  
**YouWillDie**  
I just don’t see why shipping Lorelei is such a huge thing in Clock Tower RPF. Especially with people she’d never get with!! There’s no way she would stoop so low as to “getting it on” with a Dead Apostle Ancestor of all things, nor would she have any relationships with her colleagues!! That’s so unprofessional it makes me want to vomit. If Lorelei was going to pursue anyone, it would be a quiet affair with no big announcement or overly in-your-face PDA, like how a proper Magus should act in public with their significant other.  


**Kiramel**  
Ohhhh….Narbareth….I see you took my comment on Zelretch being a “groudy old fart” seriously… _learn to make up your own descriptions, will you?!_ I mean, seriously, it’s like you wrote this whole fic as a response to that particular statement or something!

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice (OP)**  
@Kiramel: Who says I _didn’t_ write this as a response to that particular statement? I mean, seriously, you should know me by now! You’ve been following my posts all over the board for the past two days. Take a chill pill with that “massive hateboner” for me, won’t you? ;)

  
@YouWillDie: I think it’s mostly ‘cuz Lorelei needs to just fucking unwind a bit. She’s so tense all the time, it’s like she has no concept of fun. I mean, have you seen how she just glares at everyone and everything? It’s like the world – or at least, everyone in the Clock Tower – collectively took a piss and shit on her breakfast, every morning of every day. You should have seen how mad she was after the whole incident with Louvre. Anyone who came within fifty feet of her was basically black liquid ooze from the amount of anger that she radiated. And that lasted for three weeks straight.

  
**YouWillDie**  
What?? Lorelei has a concept of fun. You just never see it because she always acts professional while at work.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice (OP)**  
Suuuure. Whatever you say. And besides, how do you know that she apparently knows what fun is anyway? Are YOU her secret paramour? Is that why you keep hating on all the Lorelei shipping fics? Come on, admit it, she’s a total bitch in bed and out of it. Or are you some kind of masochist?

YouwillDie  
YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS SLIGHT UPON THE BARTHOMELOI FAMILY. TELL ME YOUR DEPARTMENT AND DORM NUMBER AT ONCE SO I CAN DEAL WITH YOU PERSONALLY.

 **Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
@YouWillDie, you have received ten points of infraction for using all caps in your post. You’ve already been warned about this, you should know better. While I applaud your movement to “take this outside,” so to speak, I would prefer it if you kept that sort of message to a PM next time. There’s no reason you can’t have all caps in PMs after all, as long as it’s not a constant stream of it. Hint hint.  
Also, seriously, change your fuckin' username. It’s dumb.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**  
**Page 198 of 205**

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
I still can’t believe I was dumb enough to stay against my better judgement. God, I am so fucking paying for it now. Whenever I find who the fucker that is draining the leyline is, I’m going to kick their ass. And even if it ends up being Caster – since only a Caster class servant can pull of that sort of bullshit if it ends up being a servant – I am still going to kick their ass. Just hypothetically. I will fantasize about it.

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
High Speed Divine Words is a huge turn off, shocker.  
Also, eugh. Casters in general creep me out. Never really got over the Fourth War Caster. Piece of shit still gives me nightmares after what I saw in his lair.

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Wait, RiderOrDie, you saw 4th War Caster’s lair? Oh god, please tell me you stumbled into it by accident while observing. I can’t imagine what it must have been like. Those poor kids. The Master of Rider’s testimony about the insides of his sewer hideout gave me nightmares for weeks, and he apparently didn’t even see all that much of it.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
[Quote,  AzureStarlord:  
_The Master of Rider’s testimony about the insides of his sewer hideout gave me nightmares for weeks, and he apparently didn’t even see all that much of it._ ]

  
[Quote, RiderOrDie:  
_Never really got over the Fourth War Caster. Piece of shit still gives me nightmares after what I saw in his lair._ ]

  
….wait. :shiftyeyes:  
RiderOrDie, there was only one person who saw the insides of Caster’s lair. And that was Rider’s Master. Everyone else who tried to get in there afterward only saw ash. I know, I read the transcripts and the archives. Don’t tell me, you’re the Master of Rider?

  
If so, I guess that means your username wasn’t supposed to be innuendo after all.

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Wait, seriously? You didn’t realize? _You thought my username was supposed to be innuendo????_  
I thought it was fairly self-evident, but I guess not. Yeah, I’m the fourth war Rider’s Master. Just, don’t spread it around the Clock Tower. My students pester me enough with those stupid nicknames they gave me.  
I mean, really, where the fuck did they even get Big Ben★London Star from???

  
**Kiramel**  
Oh, crap. You read my Barthomeloi Lorelei shipping fic. Mr. Lord El-Melloi II, please don’t deduct my grade for that. Please, I beg of you.

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Kiramel, relax. I actually thought it was kind of funny. Then again, it _was_ kind of weird reading borderline porn of myself and somebody that I actually know, but I read weirder shit all the time as a moderator. Don’t even get me started on the Mana Transfer fics I have to screen between me and Rider. I mean. Yeah, it _could_ have happened, but it _didn’t_ , and technically I was _prepared_ to do that sort of thing if it came down to it, but the kinds of things people put in those fics to pander to their weird fetishes sometimes border on legitimately scary.

  
Be glad you don’t have to see too many of those.

  
Either way, we’re getting off topic. Narbareth, did you scope out the high school at all? I know you probably don’t want to watch teenagers as they go about their day during school hours (creep factor aside), but I heard from another observer that apparently someone put a bounded field around the school. Maybe a Noble Phantasm? No idea which Master/Servant pair it was, but apparently it’s what the Tohsaka Master was attempting to destroy before the Lancer interrupt.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Crap, no, I didn’t catch that. I pretty much avoided the school entirely, I only happened to catch the whole thing with the Seventh Rando my pure coincidence. I was in the area. According to the transcripts so far, the whole Seventh Rando shenanigan happened right after that Archer/Lancer confrontation.  
Which is why I didn’t know about the whole “Archer uses swords” thing. Sue me.

  
Anyway, my familiar just came back, so I’m going to review the information it collected for a sec. BRB.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
_Eww_ , there was actually an observer that peeped on all those schoolgirls? _Gross_. But yeah, there’s a bounded field over there which is why I’m staying away for the most part. Plus, you know, the whole teenage schoolgirl thing. And that Berserker would smash that school to itty bitty bits. Hee hee.  
Anyway, jury’s still out on who Lancer’s Master is. I have an idea on who the Matou Master is, and I know for a fact who Seventh Rando is as well as the Tohsaka Master. Einzbern master doesn’t need any saying (duh), although Caster’s Master and Assassin’s Master are still unknown, besides the fact that Assassin and his Master are working with Caster. I mean, seriously. Assassin is guarding Ryuudou Temple’s steps and will not let _anybody_ pass. Darn ninja katana skills. Not even Berserker could break through that. Trust me, we tried.

  
**phomotr**  
86% chance that narbareth will receive information on servant saber and servant assassin. 43% chance he will receive information on master archer and master saber. 10% chance he will receive information on both.

  
**Kiramel**  
Phomotr, your predictions are pretty amazing and all, but I’m still waiting for you to clean up that text on your story so I can give you a proper review. I’m starting to get curious on what it’s all about, and your cryptic answers are certainly not helping.

 **phomotr**  
100% chance that i will not care nor give you any straight answers.

  
**Kiramel**  
Damn you.

  
**End of page 198.**  
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**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**  
**Page 199 of 205**

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Okay, just got back from peering into my familiar’s memory. And surprisingly, I actually got something.

  
So, Saber and Assassin are fighting like, right this second. Let’s get that off the table. No way am I going near those two, but I’m sure the fight will be epic in scale.  
On to the other news, apparently our Magus Killer Jr. And resident Tohsaka Master have recently made an alliance even after a brief spat on Homurahara grounds. The fight I only know about from the in-progress transcripts. Whoever is working on those is a fucking saint, especially for catching every little detail. Seems oddly focused on the Seventh Rando, though, but I can’t really complain when there’s not really anybody else being super active in this war.

  
Anyway. The fact of the matter is, Mr. Smug Bastard aka “Archer” and Little Miss Pintsized Powerhouse aka “Saber” are now working together. The rest of the Masters are fucked. I am calling it now: the war is going to be won by two Masters this time, not one. Two. And it’s going to be these guys.  
I mean, Tohsaka and Magus Killer combo? No fucking way you can beat that. No way in hell. Especially since the Tohsaka’s archer CAN USE SWORDS TOO WHAT THE FUCK. But considering what Tokiomi pulled in the last war, I suppose we should start expecting Riders to use bows at this point. I mean come on.

  
In case you couldn’t tell, I don’t believe for a fucking second that Saber’s Master is a third rate Magus. He still hasn’t collapsed under the support of Saber and it’s been THREE. FUCKING. DAYS. If he was a third-rate magus as Archer claims, then he should have already collapsed by now. Not to mention the fights that he’s gotten in. That should have overwhelmed him even more.

  
…speaking of which, how does Archer even know about how good of a Magus the Seventh Rando is, anyway? I mean, didn’t they just meet? Was it really that obvious? I know I couldn’t find a workshop in the shed, but there were plenty of other places to look that I just. Didn’t have time to look in.

  
**Berserkaaah**  
Oh, trust me, Seventh Rando is nowhere near as good of a magus as you think he is. He’s barely even supplying Saber with any prana at all, which is the only reason why he hasn’t just kneeled over. She’s not taking the full amount from him, and yet she’s still somehow preforming. It’s a miracle, to be honest.

  
**phomotr**  
interesting. the ten percent outcome happened. unexpected. i suppose ten percent was enough of a chance for it to happen. either way. am surprised that magus killer junior has teamed up with tohsaka even after she tried to kill him. perhaps there was a common goal in mind?

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Most likely. Wouldn’t be surprised if Magus Killer Jr. was just using this opportunity to get close to Tohsaka Master and strike at her while her guard is down. I mean, it’s what his predecessor would do.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
Oh, come on. Could you stop calling the Seventh Rando the “Magus Killer Jr.”? I mean, if you’ve interacted with him even once, you’d know that he has no capacity for that sort of thing. Not a single brain cell in his body is enamored by the idea of killing people. I’m serious! He has a hero complex so huge, it’s like…it’s like…it’s like the size of Texas! Texas is big, right?

  
Although, I guess that’s one thing he inherited from his dad. A desire to save everyone.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
…what makes you think that the Magus Killer wanted to save _anybody_? He killed people for a _living_. He took down an _entire plane_ full of passengers because his target was on it, bombed an _entire hotel_ during the Fourth Holy Grail War because _one_ Master just so happened to make it his base of operations, what sort of person that would do those things could possibly hope to save _anybody_? What even would make him think he was saving people _at all_? He’s no hero. He’s no savior. He’s a damn mercenary who only cares about making a quick buck. A cold, heartless, empty machine whose only purpose is to kill. And kill. And kill.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
You don’t know anything. If you bothered to pay attention, you might have realized that the plane was full of _undead that had just been converted by a rather nasty Dead Apostle known as Odd Borzak_. Yeah, _that_ guy, the _Demonic Bee User_ who just so happened to go missing around the same time. If that plane had landed, then the entire airport, and subsequently _the entirety of New York_ , would have been overrun by Dead Apostles and left to rot.

  
Most of the people the Magus Killer ever killed were sealing designates and Dead Apostles, often times ordered by the Mages Association himself. So don’t you fucking _dare_ slander his name just because you’re afraid that his wimp of a son could turn out like him. He’s a hero. He’s a savior. And he _doesn’t deserve this_.

 

 **RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
…I can actually confirm what Berserkaaaah’s saying. I admit, I looked up a lot about the Magus Killer after the fourth war, and _probably_ looked in archives that little itty bitty students were not allowed to touch, and it’s true that there was a contract sent out to him by the Mages Assosiation for Odd Borzak that was subsequently filled around the same time that rumor started spreading about the jet liner. Along with a lot of other contracts like that. Is anyone old enough to remember Henrich Zepter? The fucker who turned an entire town in North Germany into his pet project?  
Well, he got slapped with a sealing designation, and the Magus Killer fulfilled it. He saved a lot of other people form succumbing to that fate. I don’t really have an excuse for the whole thing with the Hyatt, but it _was his Saber_ that dealt the killing blow to the Caster Monster from the Fourth War. So there’s that.

  
Gah, I can’t believe I’m standing up for the Magus Killer of all things. But what do you know. Even if he is a ruthless killer, you gotta admit he did a lot of good.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
Okay, okay, I admit, I _might_ be wrong about the guy who killed a bunch of people and showed no remorse for it. I _might_ be wrong about the mage who most rational Magi have an _entirely reasonable_ fear of due to his humongous body count. I _might_ be wrong about the fact that his son has any potential at all to turn out just like him. But that doesn’t stop me from being scared when that terrorist is still quite fresh in the minds of everybody who ever heard of him, no matter the fact that he died a while ago. I get it. I was out of line.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
…topic change, anyone?  
I, for one, and surprised that ChaliceResident hasn’t replied to the thread lately. He was all over it up until today. In fact, has anyone seen him post at all today?

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Uh…no, actually, I have not seen him post at all today. Wonder where he is? Speaking of which, I wonder where the OP for the thread is. They haven’t posted once since making this thread. You would think that the OP would, but nooo…

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
Good riddance, I say. Not to the OP, but rather to ChaliceResident. They’re way too hatemurdery and creepy for my tastes.

 

 **Nabareth Shun duVice**  
True as that may be, it is a bit disconcerting. Seemingly all he does is post on here. I’ve seen him post in almost every thread I click on at least once. For him to go a whole day without posting is unheard of. Maybe something happened?  
…Speaking of, hey,  @ClergyGuy, I know you updated the thread title since we’ve been posting, considering the new “official thread” tag, but where have you been man? You usually post a whole lot more.  
That reminds me, too. @EnforcerBabe hasn’t said anything since this post,

  
[Quote, EnforcerBabe:  
_Heading out to Fuyuki now. Going to meet up with the Overseer there and summon my Servant. Will reply again once I’ve finished up with that. Wish me luck!_ ]

  
Do you think she’s made it there okay? I mean, we haven’t heard anything about her dying or whatever, I think a few people here know who she is, including me, but the fact that she hasn’t replied since (and neither has ClergyGuy) makes me thing that something weird is going on here.  
@Berserkaaaah, if you run into a short-haired, red-headed girl in a burgundy suit, shoot me a PM, will you?

  
**End page 199.**  
**[…] 196, 197, 198, 199, 200, 201, 202, […]**

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Holy Grail War RPF >> Fourth War >> Thread: Once We Were Friends [Matou master x Tokiomi Tohsaka]**  
**Page 45 of 45**

  
**FlowerLabyrinth (OP)**  
Note: Beta’d by Narbareth. Thank him graciously.

  
Chapter Seven: In which a truce is made.

  
Kotomine Kirei stood outside the door to the Matou master’s room within the Church, waiting in apprehension. The master of Berserker had been healed, and was definitely recovering, but he had been comatose since the previous night. Tokiomi had wanted to see him as soon as he would wake up, muttering about how he couldn’t let his old friend go after seeing him like that. It made Kirei’s heart twinge in jealously.

  
Although the Master of Assassin knew that Tokiomi had known the Matou master for longer, did the red-clad magus have to drop everything the moment he got the news his friend was awake? Couldn’t he have any decency not to crowd the recently healed enemy Master the moment his eyes fluttered open?

  
Kirei sighed, pinching his nose. It wouldn’t do to be jealous of a friendship that had lasted longer than Kirei ever even knew his old teacher. Even if Tokiomi sometimes seemed too fond of the Matou. Even if Kirei wished that Tokiomi’s fondness would sometimes be directed at him instead of his old rival. Even though he realized these feelings were true, Kirei banished those thoughts as soon as they came. Their relationship was strictly professional. Teacher and Student. A tool to be used. A chessmaster to wield said tool.

  
It made Kirei ache to think about this. A movement coming from the other side of the door canceled out any more thoughts the Master of Assassin may have had on the matter, however.  
[…]

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Dead Apostle RPF >> Twenty-Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors >> Thread: a collection of pieces [Roa]**  
**Page 2 of 2**

  
**Kiramel**  
Wow, yet another incomprehensible story by phomotr. At least it has actual words this time, but the way it’s written the words just don’t make sense when strung together. Maybe you just need a beta? Damn it, I’m really curious about the content of your works now, but since I can’t understand them this is killing me.

  
**phomotr (OP)**  
rearrange. shape. carve. see, and understand.

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
…maybe it’s a riddle, then? Is that what you’re saying? We have to rearrange the words in your story for it to make sense?  
Gee, that seems like a lot of work, but damn if I ain’t curious now.  
…maybe this means that the last one was just a bunch of anagrams???

  
**Kiramel**  
Azure, don’t get ahead of yourself. I tried the anagram angle already, no matter how I rearrange the letters its still gibberish. Did you know that one of those words actually has nothing but consonants? Consonants that don’t even make sense when mushed together? Trust me, there was nothing but incomprehensible gibberish in his ORT story. If it was even about ORT.  
Even so, I’m going to try my hand at rearranging the words to better fit the sentence flow. Now that I look at it, some of these lines do seem like they were just ordered wrong…

  
**phomotr (OP)**  
you may be ready yet. the truth of the world will not blind itself to you for much longer.

 

  
**FictHub >> Fanfiction >> Crossover >> Thread: Somni’s Legacy [Cloud Atlas/Grail War RPF]**  
**Page 95 of 95**

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator) (OP)**  
Yes, you should definitely read Cloud Atlas. It’s an amazing book, came out just this year. I’ve started reading the author’s other works because of it, he really makes you think, you know? Although it’s a little bad that you read my fic without knowing the book, since there are some spoilers for Somni’s arc in it, but they’re very subtle (I haven’t outright stated anything yet) so you probably won’t get them unless you actually read Cloud Atlas first. Which you should, it’s great.

  
**Berserkaaaah**  
Mouuu, I haven’t had time to read these sort of things yet! I’ve been spending the past three months preparing for the war, and since I’m now actually fighting it, I hardly have any time to read. :( It really, really sucks, but I suppose that once I win the war I’ll have all the time in the world to read whatever I want. Maybe then I’ll read that Cloud Atlas book! It does sound super interesting.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
Damn it, now I’m going to have to read that book all over again. I read it when it first came out, sure, but it’s been a while since then and I’m not going to get everything you’ve written unless I read it again. Curse you for making me have to have my heart broken by all those characters once more. And curse you for being such a good writer and doing that to me already!  >:(

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**  
**Page 241 of 253**

  
**ChaliceResident**  
You guys have no idea how much fun I’m having watching all of this go down. The pure insanity of this war makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I can’t wait for the conclusion. I can’t wait. I can’t wait.

  
**Narbareth shun duVice**  
Would you kindly _fuck off_ , Chalice? Caster literally _destroyed_ the neutral territory, _stole the command spells off of a Master_ when he was trying to save an innocent mundane from getting involved, and there was a fucking soul-sucking bounded field set off around a _school full of children_. All within the past _three days_. And you think it’s _funny_? Not to mention on top of that, I found EnforcerBabe’s body in the old Edelfelt Mansion.

  
Thankfully, she wasn’t completely dead: _something_ was keeping her on the brink of life and death and I successfully revived her. But she told me that the Overseer of the war has gone rogue and _stole her command spells along with her servant_ , making him a participator in this war. Guess which Servant he has. Fucking guess.

  
Hint: It’s Lancer.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
Berserkaaaah hasn't been talking for a bit, too. I wonder if she's okay? Her Servant is pretty strong, so I'm not too worried about her, but considering what's been going on as of late, you have to admit it's probably a bit scary for a little kid like her...

 **AzuriteStarlord**  
@Berserkaaaah are you ok? Try to reply to the thread again soon! We'd all like to hear your first hand account of how it's going.

 **Kiramel**  
@phomotr, do you have any predictions? I know you’re really good at those, do you think you could divine Berserkaaaah’s status?  


**phomotr**  
100% chance she was slain by an archer class servant. 50% chance she was slain by an anomalous 8th servant from the previous war.  


**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
Wait what? There's an eighth Servant from the previous war still around? How? Next thing you're going to say is that the holy grail is the source of all evil in the world and we should be getting rid of it.

  
**ChaliceResident**  
[Quote,  Apocrypha:  
_Next thing you're going to say is that the holy grail is the source of all evil in the world and we should be getting rid of it._ ]  
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. HA. HA. Ha. Ha. ha.  
ha.

  
**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
What’s so funny about what I said?

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
I’m more worried about the fact that apparently Berserkaaaah is dead.

  
**End page 241.**  
**[…] 238, 239, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, […]**

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**

 **[ANNOUNCEMENT BANNER: It is with our deepest condolences to announce that the user known as @Berserkaaaah has passed away as of today, December **, 2004. Details of her death and remembrance thread is here. \--RiderOrDie]**  
**Page 246 of 253**  


**AzuriteStarlord**  
So…it’s official then. She’s gone.  
I…ugh, screw this. I gotta go.  


**FlowerLabyrinth**  
She will be dearly missed. You went to go check out where she last fought, right, Narbareth?  


**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Normally I’m not too shaken up by shit like this, I mean, “to be a Magus is to walk with death,” you know? But…I guess it’s different when it’s someone as young as this. Or someone that you know personally. I know that most Magi like to go with the “stoic and deadly” act, but…you can’t erase emotions forever. Not…not when it comes to stuff like this.  
Somebody made a grave for her by the time we got there. But just looking at the battlefield that was her castle, it’s pretty evident what happened. There’s no way it was the sword-using Archer. His arrows don’t do shit like this. But it couldn’t have been Saber, either. She’s still with Caster. Assassin is dead. Rider is dead. Berserker…is dead. Lancer…maybe. But so far he’s been pretty much AWOL. So…that just leaves…wait, lemmie find that quote.

Edit: here:  
[Quote, phomotr:  
_50% chance she was slain by an anomalous 8th servant from the previous war._ ]

  
We know that the last two servants from the previous war were Archer and Saber. Saber was already summoned again into this war, and it can’t possibly have been her. So it must be Archer. His death was never outright confirmed, anyway, but that does beg the question of how the hell Kotomine managed to support him for ten years on end without the help of the Grail. Or how Gilgamesh even survived that blast.  
Either way, this gives me yet another reason to go kill that fucker. Kirei Kotomine, I’m coming for your head. And I’ve got a friend who’ll help me with that. Be prepared, you bastard.  


**ClergyGuy (OP)**  
Good luck with that.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**   
_YOU FUCKER. You will pay for what you have done, mark my fucking words. I’m not going to rest until your skull is mounted. On. My. Wall._  


**ClergyGuy (OP)**  
If anything, the one you should be mad at is this guy:

  
[Attachment: 12-**-04.jpeg]

  
He’s the one who wielded Gilgamesh against the Einzbern Master, after all. Even if I did give him the means to contract with the King of Heroes, he’s the one who initiated the battle in the first place, leading to the Einzbern’s death.  
As for Bazett…well, I suppose some people just want to watch the world burn. Even if it means destroying the lives of their acquaintances. Not like I haven’t done it before.  


**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
Wait…if I’m reading correctly in between the lines here, does that mean that the Great Fuyuki Fire was you?  


**ClergyGuy (OP)**  
Maybe. Maybe not. It certainly responded to _someone’s_ wish. Or perhaps it responded to its own wish? Even omnipotent wish granting devices have a sense of personality, you know. They can want things, too. Why would it matter if what it wishes for is just the destruction of all humanity due to its connection with an angry Zoroastrian God?  


**ChaliceResident**  
Spoilers, dude! Jesus, what's a guy gotta do to not have his awesome built-up reveal ruined, huh?  


**Kiramel**  
W-wait, so all this time…you were—??? Oh my god, and you wrote fanfic too! What the hell! What the _absolute fresh hell_! It was even _good_! Oh, _god_ , I feel so _dirty_ , I need to take a shower, or maybe throw up, or both,,,  
Edit: wait, then when you said you know all of our “dirty little secrets” then _you were serious?????_  


**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
I suddenly do not feel comfortable with the fact that you wrote a crack fic about me and Archer anymore. Even if it wasn’t outright explicit porn, you still included the fact about my bicep fetish. I think I’m actually starting to genuinely hate you.  


**ClergyGuy (OP)**  
Reasons why I never strayed into the RPF sections of the site. I don’t want to see his creepy fanfiction. Made that mistake once. Just once. Never again.  


**phomotr**  
there is a high chance you will fail, clergyguy. i will laugh when you do, and dance upon your grave. the world must not die before it’s time, so that there may still be a chance of its salvation.

  
**End page 246.**  
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**FictHub >> Mage RPF >> Living Magi >> Clock Tower RPF >> Thread: A Time to Unwind [Lorelei Barthomeloi x Touko Aozaki]**  
**Page 7 of 10**  


**Apocrypha (Moderator)**  
I have to admit, even though the pairing is weird, for more than one reason, the way you write it…it actually makes a bit of sense? Not to say that the real-life versions of these people are actually lesbians, but…I can totally see if they were. Narbareth was right, Foe Yay is a very powerful force.  


**YouWillDie**  
……………………………………it’s good. I really, really, hate to admit it, but it’s good.  
This is weird. Why is something like this….ugh. No. I won’t accept it. Give me your department and your dorm number. I’m not going to allow you to write any more of this!  


**EnforcerBabe (OP)**  
Ah, sorry, it’s kind of hard writing with one arm, that’s why it took me a bit longer than usual to reply. Anyway, I’m not actually at the Clock Tower at the moment. I’m in Fuyuki for the current Grail War, which I was _supposed_ to be fighting in until someone stole my command seals and Servant. *Glares at ClergyGuy*  
Anyway, I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I mostly did this as a sort of coping skill due to the recent trauma of, well, losing my arm. And nearly dying. Among other things. Certainly you can’t blame me for that?  


**YouWillDie**  
Er, no. I guess I can’t. But what makes you think I’m uncomfortable? I just…..don’t like the pairing, that’s all! It’s written well, though, really, it is…  


**EnforcerBabe (OP)**  
Huh? I thought it was kind of an open secret that you were the real Barthomeloi Lorelei though? And that’s why you flame all of the Barthomeloi shipping fics? Am I wrong?  


**YouWillDie**  
I—I—How did you—was it…was it really that obvious…?

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Yeah. Kind of.

  
**YouWillDie**  
Oh.

 

  
**FictHub >> Dead Apostle RPF >> Twenty-Seven Dead Apostle Ancestors >> Thread: it all starts [Primate Murder]**  
**Page 1 of 15**

  
**phomotr (OP)**  
everything stops.  
is it the will of fate, or something more?  
meaningless words echo in memory. a friend from before, but lost.  
the fragments that are you remember kindness. you had dashed it in search of your own power.  
world of wonders compelled you to flirt with death.  
is it really all that bad? is what you’ve done really that horrible?  
dying won’t give you any answers, not will they give them to others. but you still chase the hunt.  


**Kiramel**  
“Everything is meaningless, the world is dying.” That’s what the first word of every paragraph says. You fucker. It happened with the Roa poem too. Is that what you’re trying to say? Is that the supposed “truth of the world?” Fuck you. I can’t believe I got played like that.  


**phomotr (OP)**  
the land of steel awaits. the Aristoteles will finish what they started. everything will be meaningless then. it is the truth of the world. the world that dies. the cancer will grow.  


**Kiramel**  
Shut up and stop talking in riddles! What world that dies? What cancer? What land of steel? It doesn’t make any sense. Ugh, my head hurts. Fuck this and fuck you.  


**phomotr (OP)**  
you were not ready.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Dashboard >> Private Messaging >> Inbox >> Message thread: Re: Holy Grail War**

  
**YouWillDie**  
Bazett, tell me, what’s even going on over there? I’ve been reading through the official thread for the grail war, and the transcripts, but they can both only tell you so much. I know that something wrong is happening over there, something that both the transcripts and the members in the thread aren’t getting at, but what is it, exactly?

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
It’s all gone wrong, is what. Please forgive me for my slow messages, Lady Barthomeloi. Typing with one arm is a pain. I’ll lay it all out in a second, though.  


**YouWillDie**  
Fine. As long as you have all the necessary detail to make up for it.

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
So, here’s what happened from my perspective, first off. I arrived in Fuyuki fine. The Overseer, Kirei Kotomine, greeted me at the airport. That went fine. I arranged my lodgings with the Edelfelt family ahead of time, and they gave me permission to use their old mansion. So, we head over there, and start setting things up. I had a bunch of my own blood stored in vials to use as both the catalyst and the summoning circle, in hope that I would be able to summon the Hound of Ulster, Cu Chulainn, due to having direct ancestry with him.  
It was only after I summoned him successfully that everything went wrong. Before the two of us could act, Kotomine had cut off my arm with his black keys and stabbed me in the stomach, piercing my intestine. He then used the command seals to force Lancer to recognize him as his Master, and transferred over the remaining command seals to his body. Kotomine then left me to die.

  
I remember blacking out, and waking up on the couch, healed and bandaged and in the company of Belacourt Saint Walrad, otherwise known as  Narbareth Shun duVice on these forums. He quickly explained to me what was going on and what had happened since the War started, as well as asking me a few questions of his own. I explained to him my side of the story, and he mentioned that he had found a Nordic rune etched onto my clothing, which was most likely what kept me alive that whole time.  
I assumed it was Lancer’s doing, since he had studied Runecraft under Scathach and was proficient in it. I have no other leads as to who it might have been otherwise, however. Anyway, as an outsider to the war (seeing as I had no ability to summon another Servant not had any command seals) Belacourt offered to let me observe the remaining proceedings with him, and offered to help if I ever wanted to take revenge upon Kotomine, lest he do it himself.

  
I accepted his offers, and then everything went to shit, for lack of a better term. He got the messages about the Master of Berserker, and immediately rushed to her place of death. He said I didn’t have to come along, but I did so anyway, if only out of curiosity since he didn’t explain very much as he packed his healing supplies. I guess that was due more to panic than anything.  
By the time we got there, everything had already been at least slightly cleaned up. There was a grave marked with the Master of Berserker’s name, which Belacourt prayed at for a while before going off to investigate the ruins of the Einzbern Castle. It was while we were exploring the ruins that he informed the participants in the official thread what had happened on his end, and the resulting discussions and revelations that happened thereafter.

  
After we finished exploring, during which we had also come across the brutalized bodies of two other Einzbern homunculi (most likely made to serve and aid the Einzbern Master, judging from their appearances), we heard a distant explosion, coming from the direction of the Kotomine Church. Belacourt checked the Grail Observer forum that he frequented and confirmed that there was a fight going on there between Archer and Lancer, as well as a fight going on inside the ruins of the Church between the Master of Archer, the former Master of Saber, and Caster and her Master.

  
Deciding it was too dangerous to go over there, we camped out at the remains of the Einzbern castle. It took little work to start a fire, warm up some rations, and find a suitable room to sleep in. It’s the morning now, and it’s been pretty quiet, although my instincts have been going crazy telling me to get the hell out of here. I was about to go wake Belacourt when you PMed me, I admit.  
Either way, that’s all that I have to say on the matter as of right now. I will keep you posted in the meantime if anything else comes up.  


**YouWillDie**  
You do that. Truth be told, when you didn’t report in after your landing, I did expect sabotage of some sort. I suppose I was right about that. Still, it’s useful that you’re still alive and able to give me updates on what the hell is going on down there. Keep up the reconnaissance work. And do try to investigate if there is truly something wrong with the Grail.  


**EnforcerBabe**  
Shit shit shit, something is happening, I think it’s a servant, I’ll report back once we’ve

  
**YouWillDie**  
Bazett? Is something wrong? What happened? Your message got cut off.

  
**YouWillDie**  
Bazett?

  
**YouWillDie**  
I’ll wait. Report to me as soon as possible.

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
So sorry, Lady Barthomeloi. Turns out the Archer class servant of this war has a Reality Marble, and those don’t exactly offer internet connection. I learned something interesting though. Apparently that Servant was a Counter Guardian. An alternate version of the former Master of Saber who made a deal with Alaya. Who apparently has the same Reality Marble building within him as Archer. What should I do? Should I take the former Master of Saber out? Saber herself is within the vicinity as well. Should I leave them alone?

  
**YouWillDie**  
You’re kidding. Some third-rate Magus who can barely even support a Servant has a _reality marble_ within him of all things?! I would say kill him now but the fact that Saber herself is within the vicinity makes me a bit cautious. Wait. He’s allies with that Tohsaka girl, isn’t he? Find her after the war ends (if she survives) and extend the offer of a sponsorship on behalf of the Barthomeloi family as long as she gives the boy over to us for study. Remind me to send out a notice to you so Tohsaka knows it’s legitimate. By god, if the girl doesn’t take the offer she would have to be stupider than a sealing designate.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Dashboard >> Private Messaging >> Inbox >> Message thread: Re: I'd like to hire your services**

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
You're Flandre Rythe, right? The super powerful seer? I kind of pieced it together from your posts in the Dead Apostle section, and all those predictions you made in the Fifth War thread.  
I'm willing to pay whatever price you list, as long as you can find what I want you to scry the future for. I don't really know if you might get interrupted or recieve any sort of interference because it kind of has to do with the Grail, and the Grail is an omnipotent wish granting device with what we now know to be a powerful Zoroastrian God within, so I figure it might have some sort of protections and stuff, but whatever!  
Look, could you at least tell me if you're willing to do it? Or if you even can?

  
**phomotr**  
i do not know what i am to be scrying for. how can i tell you such things if i do not have the information i need?

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Oh, right, sorry! I completely forgot to put that in my PM. Okay, so, I just want to know...  
Shirou Emiya. The Seventh Rando, or whatever you want to call him.

  
Does he...does he really end up killing me because of my research? Is my research really something that ends up causing suffering, enough to make someone like him want to kill me? I know, technically, that the act of looking to find ways to cheat death itself is banned by the Mages Assosiation, and so that's why I went to that other seer in the first place, to see if it would work, but...they told me instead that someone by the name of Shirou Emiya would kill me because of it and urged me to stop.  
So I want to know.

  
Does he really end up killing me due to my research? All I ever really wanted out of it was to extend my life and the lives of those I care about just a bit further, but will it really only bring about suffering?

  
If you can scry the future for an answer like that, tell me, and I'll transfer whatever amount of money you desire for me to pay for your services.

 **phomotr**  
i can easily find the answers that you seek. it will not be cheap, however, and the answers that you may get may not be the ones you want.  
if you still wish to go through with this, then transfer $50k to mcode://sbank-569001.magi and i will scour the future for your answer.

 **AzuriteStarlord**  
Done. Please reply once you have my answers.

  
**phomotr**  
alright. it took me a period of meditation to fully grasp it, but i have seen what you wanted me to attempt to see.

  
_you will die_. that is a non-negotiable fact. but whether it is by shirou emiya's hands in a show of justice for those you end up hurting, or by the hands of another magus looking to remove a rival, or a threat, or to steal your research, the reasons behind your death are entirely up to the path you intend to take and how many people you end up stepping on the corpses of in order to achieve your goal.  
if you decide to test your theories on those orphaned children, you will be killed by the hands of justice. if you decide to get a volunteer in the form of that old man riddled with cancer, you will lose your life and your research to a jealous mage. if you instead make connections with those in the department of spiritual evocation to further your studies, you will be taken out as a political rival. if you instead defect from the clock tower to study in peace, eventually your work will come to light and you will be taken out as a threat, although not by shirou emiya's hands.

even if my words are meaningless to you right now, you _will_ make one of those four choices, and you will die. if you avoid all the other choices as they come, you will choose that which remains as the last option, and you will die.  
there is no conceivable way to escape your fate. however, if you want to die quietly, and without any guilt in you heart, then i would suggest, at the very least, being seen not as a threat, or in need of being struck down in the name of justice, or even being seen as a talented researcher. instead, immerse yourself in politics, so that the only grievance against you will be your connections and not that of your craft.  
perhaps, if you had reached out to me sooner, you might have found a way off of this path and ended up living longer. however, you waited -- or, perhaps, could not find me -- and therefore you are stuck with having to die early. you will not see forty years.

  
i hope that my divinations have given you the answers you need. all you can do now is make the choice that you decide is best, and live with it.

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
I...yes, this is probably what I needed to hear. It may not have the path available that I would have liked to take, but it is definitely what I needed to hear. Thank you. I trust that you won't tell anyone of our conversation?

  
**phomotr**  
yes. the content of all of my clients divinations are confidential. you have my word.

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**  
**Page 278 of 285**

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
I...I suppose phomotr was right about the whole "8th servant" thing, but...I admit that I'm in a bit of a shock that Gilagmesh, arguably one of the most powerful Servants in any grail war, ended up getting defeated by a human being. Even if the Seventh Rando (is that _really_ what we're all calling him?) does have a reality marble, don't you think it's a bit...

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
He's certainly cemented himself as one hell of a badass, that's for sure. I wouldn't want to get on his bad side!  
...heh...

  
**phomotr**  
was certainly nice seeing  @ClergyGuy getting hoisted by his own petard. speaking of which, shouldn't there be a death announcement banner for him?

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
He doesn't deserve it.

  
**Kiramel**  
Still a shame about Berserkaaaah though. I know I didn't really know her all that well, but she was fun to talk to and stuff...  
Either way, all I can say is that I'm glad Chalice is gone for good, at least. Now I don't have to read any of his creepy, hatemurdery posts anymore!

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Don't even get me started on some of the stuff he's said before. You're lucky you didn't join when he was at his most active. I think that was actually a couple of years ago? Four? Five? Either way, he had seemed oddly hyper and gleeful at that time, and it was really uncomfortable for everyone involved.

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**  
Ugh. Can we not talk about Chalice? Why are we even still calling him that anyway, we all know his real identity know and stuff...whatever. Not in the mood for that discussion right now.  
On another, more pleasant note, has anyone else noticed that Narbareth has been weirdly quiet ever since the start of the final battle in this Grail War? He's the one who posted the most in this thread, given the fact that he's been observing and all, and yet ever since the start of that battle he hasn't been posting at all.

  
**EnforcerBabe**  
Oh, that's because...well, he lost his PDA just after the fight started. We were making our way towards the Ryuudou Temple, and as we got near he noticed that his PDA was missing. That's why I've been talking more, I admit, because Narbareth can't update all of you on what's going on real time so I'm doing it for him.  
Kind of a pain typing with one arm, though...

  
**RiderOrDie (Moderator)**  
He'd better find that PDA soon, lest someone else stumble upon it. God, I'd hate to imagine if the Seventh Rando found it. what would he think about all of us discussing him like some sort of character in a movie?

  
**SwordHero**  
I think he'd feel very uncomfortable and slightly angry. Thanks, by the way. Watching my every move (and _breaking into my house_ of all things, might I add!) sure was a fun pastime for all of you guys, wasn't it? _Wasn't it?_

  
**AzuriteStarlord**  
Oh jeez, looks like the jig is up everyone. Hey, at least Narbareth didn't find your workshop or whatever, right?

  
**SwordHero**  
He... _did_ find my workshop though? I mean, he made it explicitly clear in his earlier post that he went in my shed, right?

  
**FlowerLabyrinth**   
_That was your workshop????_

 **End page 278.**  
**[...] 275, 276, 277, 278, 279, 280, 281 [...]**

 

  
  
**FictHub >> Non-Fic Content >> Off-topic Discussion >> News of the World >> Thread: Fifth Holy Grail War starts sooner than expected [OFFICIAL 5TH WAR THREAD]**  
**Page 285 of 285**

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
Oh, no, I just made a new one. SwordHero can keep the old one, it's not like I have anything important on there anyway besides the web browser and all of my bookmarks.  
...I admit, though, I am going to miss those bookmarks.

  
**SwordHero**  
Gee, thanks. I feel _so_ much better about you _breaking into my house_.

  
**Narbareth Shun duVice**  
I said I was sorry, didn't I? That's already better than what most Magi would give you if they did something like that.

  
**ChaliceResident**  
[Quote,  Kiramel:  
_Either way, all I can say is that I'm glad Chalice is gone for good, at least. Now I don't have to read any of his creepy, hatemurdery posts anymore!_ ]  
I heard you talking shit.

  
**Kiramel**  
Oh, great.

 **End page 285**.  
**[...] 282, 283, 284, 285.**

 

 

\-------

 ** _Identities of all the posters are as follows:_  
**  
ChaliceResident: Angra Mainyu/The Holy Grail. Given that this fic touches upon the UBW route of Fate/Stay Night, I simply couldn't resist giving the Grail an innate internet connection. Angra is the one who set it up, probably, just so that he wouldn't be too bored, but I'll leave the details of how that went up to the readers.  
  
EnforcerBabe: It's revealed in the fic, just like most of the canon characters are, but she's Bazett.  
  
RiderOrDie (Moderator): Waver Velvet/Lord El-Melloi II. Once again, I couldn't resist adding a Fate/Zero character.  
  
Berserkaaaah: Illyasviel von Einzbern. Gotta have that quiet angst about a popular poster dying, right? Originally, her death was going to happen differently, but I decided to change some things since it seemed too OOC for some characters.  
  
Apocrypha (Moderator): Touko Aozaki. Her identity is subtly hinted in the "Thread: Newt Scamander and the Curious Case of the Demon Known as Mephistopheles [Harry Potter/Faust]" and "Thread: A Time to Unwind [Lorelei Barthomeloi x Touko Aozaki]" sections, what with her comment about demons and her reaction to Bazett's fic, but it may have been too subtle for some to pick up on, so I don't blame you if you didn't figure it out.  
  
YouWillDie: Lorelei Barthomeloi. The Queen of the Clock Tower, and apparently a forum-wide meme? I thought it would be pretty funny as a one-off thing, but she ended up appearing more often in the fic than I expected her to. I hope she enjoys her status as a running gag.  
  
ClergyGuy: Kirei Kotomine. Doesn't show up for very long, or even do very much at all, but is more active in the background as a participant of the Holy Grail War.  
  
SwordHero: Shirou Emiya. He only comes in at the end, unfortunately, but his reactions were fun to write while they lasted.  
  
AzuriteStarlord: Male OC Magus. Dabbles in banned research, and ends up getting killed for it. While he had taken the advice of two different seers as for what to do, he ends up dead for his efforts anyway. While phomotr gave him four paths to take, and kind of urged him onto the least bloody one, he ended up taking the path where he gets killed during one of Shirou's campaigns as an Enforcer, not even as one of the tougher opponents. Even in this fic, his participation is limited. Perhaps his origin is "Insignificance" or something like that?  
  
phomotr: Flandre Rythe, a female OC Magus who gives out her services as a seer. Incredibly powerful, able to make surprisingly accurate predictions, at least, accurate according to the percentage of chance of said predictions coming true. Has the ability as a precognitive Psychic, with both the ability to predict and -- on a much lesser scale -- calculate the path to said outcomes. Even being as powerful as she is, she lives as a hermit, and rarely goes out into the world, using the MagiNet to sell her services in order to get by. In a world without it, though, like in canon, she probably would be forced to venture outside eventually, and would subsequently crumble under the pressures of society. Has seen the future of the Land of Steel, and tries to warn everyone in a roundabout way, but it ends up backfiring due to the rather unfortunate way she did things.  
  
FlowerLabyrinth: Female Magus OC, quite prim and proper and uses words like "heck" or "darn" instead of cursing. A very good writer, known for stuff like angst and breaking your heart with her works. Is secretly a huge shipper of the Tohsaka and Matou families, her favorite pairing being Tokiomi Tohsaka x the "mysterious" Matou master of the fourth war. Completely average as a magus, with no special abilities at all, even if she does come from an old lineage.  
  
Narbareth Shun duVice: Belacourt Saint Walrad, a male Magus OC. Probably the most developed of them all, due to his interactions with Bazett. He did try to hunt down Kirei after investigating Illya's castle, and getting caught up in Archer's reality marble for his trouble, but by the time he and Bazett got there he was already dead. It kind of pissed him off that Lancer got to him first, but at the same time filled him with schadenfreude. His abilities are completely average as well, and he only decided to observe the Grail War on a whim. Not super adverse to using technology, but is still very much behind on the times. Really should not be alive after that first encounter with Archer.  
  
Kiramel: Magus OC, I didn't decide on their gender. A student of Lord El-Melloi II, kind of tsundere and secretly has a crush on Narbareth ever since their first argument. Unironically calls Waver those ridiculous nicknames he has, like Professor Charisma and Big Ben★London Star! Thinks that they're funny, and therefore good nicknames to use. Is embarrassed that they ended up writing fanfiction of their professor where Waver could easily see it. Skipped class the day after that, afraid to show their face to the teacher they kind of wrote borderline porn of.

**Author's Note:**

> \---  
> And that's the cast! I hope you enjoyed. Truth be told, I've been working on this for a while, as a sort of "proof of concept" for the MagiNet. The whole MagiNet thing has been kicking around in my head ever since I wrote that F/Z x Shiki crossover, and it felt good to finally put it all down, even if it was displayed in a semi-crack semi-serious fic.  
> I know that technically, there should be plenty more posters than just the ones I have there, but I felt that if I added any more the cast would get too bloated and the fic would go on for forever. I had to find a stopping point eventually, and I finally did, just in time for International Fanworks Day! Yaay...  
> Either way, I hope that the canon characters aren't too OOC, since I don't feel like rewriting this monster of a one-shot. Feel free to tell me if they are, though, and I'll make note of it for the future!


End file.
